The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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