Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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