My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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