I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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