I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
