I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ugly people sure do ruin things
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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