the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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