I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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