I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize