I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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