Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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