You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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