I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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