in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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