remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
