id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
