Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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