as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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