I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
