After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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