Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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