wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
