I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And then my night got REAL pukey
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
