I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
