I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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