would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize