Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
