ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize