I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
