you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
