1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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