we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
