She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
