As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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