do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
