I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
FUCK WHALES
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