but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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