The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
