do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
