I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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