My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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