where am i from again
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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