used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize