It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
