All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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