Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
