Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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