I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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