i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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