Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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