I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
