He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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