i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Welp...herpes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
