we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
