Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
