I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
