on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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