I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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