i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
