Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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