His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize