woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
