I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
