I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize