It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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