I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my being single is dangerous.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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