What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
